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El Guapo often wears his leopard print smoking jacket and oils up the lush rainforest that he calls chest hair so that each thick follicle looks like a curly black diamond twinkling in an otherwise sightless sky. This grooming, of course, is strictly for his own amusement since it is common knowledge that El Guapo cannot enhance perfection. (Although, if anyone could accomplish this feat, it’d be…